Engagement season is an exciting time! There are so many venues to see, so much to plan, and so much advice (good and bad) from well-meaning family and friends! The best money spent is hiring a Wedding Planner that helps you navigate the process of planning this very special day or days in some cases!
Engagement season is an exciting time! There are so many venues to see, so much to plan, and so much advice (good and bad) from well-meaning family and friends!
The best money spent is hiring a Wedding Planner that helps you navigate the process of planning this very special day or days in some cases!
You may have the best Wedding Planner in the world and your planner should definitely be treated with the utmost respect and kindness since they are on YOUR SIDE!
As much as your Wedding Planner does for you, keep in mind that there are some things your Wedding Planner DOES NOT DO!
As part of a venue team, I see a lot of strange happenings and expectations from brides and grooms when it comes to Wedding Planners.
So, here’s a quick list to keep in mind of
“What to NOT expect from your Wedding Planner!”
This really should go unsaid but it is definitely the one thing that seems to (inappropriately) happen either by the bride, groom, MOB, MOG, wedding party and Yes! Sometimes event guests.
Your wedding party should be assigned various tasks such as helping the bride get dressed, taking care of the rings, placing on corsages, organizing the children, etc.
No one should ever expect a Wedding Planner to be the one to do tasks such as hanging up someone’s coat, getting the rings together, or running errands for their mother. Just use common sense! Planners are there to help plan a wedding and then make sure it is carried out according to that plan. This does not include rubbing anyone’s feet or making sure grandma doesn’t get lost.
If you have special needs then assign those out to someone in the wedding party you trust and know will carry it out.
You need your planner coordinating your vendors and making sure your wedding is going according to plan. They cannot do their job if they are worried about whether or not you can button the buttons on your dress (refer to MOB and MOH duties).
Planners also NEVER EVER should be expected to touch your or anyone else's personal belongings! It is a big no no to touch jewelry, personal items, purses, coats because of liability reasons. Please do not expect them to!
Planners may become your friend through this process but that being said, no one should abuse what your consider “friendship” by sending texts at 11:00 p.m. along with phone calls and emails that have nothing to do with the actual planning of a wedding.
If you need to fire your Maid of Honor then that is your responsibility NOT your planners.
A planner can understand family drama but it is not their job to intercede. They are also not there to talk with your mom, dad, grandma, or Aunt June about those people’s various problems and issues. No one should be speaking with the planner except the Bride & Groom or your vendors!
They are also not the sounding board for your parents, guests or family members that aren't happy with anything from their flowers to where they are sitting (no, they are not changing the seating chart).
Of course, if there is a real issue that needs to be handled, then by all means let the planner know so that either they can take care of it, or they can find the person that needs to. Just keep in mind that a "real issue" is not complaining about your make up while the planner is graciously grabbing bobby pins from their emergency kit for you to use. You might be met with a "what would you like me to do?" and if your answer is going to be "Nothing, I'm just letting you know," then please just let someone else know instead and you should just let them do their actual job in making sure the flow of your wedding is working.
A perfect wedding set up is not easy to accomplish, and the emergencies or problems that pop up on the day of the wedding can be very unpredictable. It is the planner's job to make sure that the couple never knows about these problems. In fact, my favorite question from couples post-wedding is "What went wrong that we didn't know about?" So, keep that in mind when you are expecting your planner to fetch your party and family members for anything from photos to just needing to speak with them.
Once, we had a planner that was called away from flipping a room by a parent that was asked to fetch her husband for photos. Her husband was standing 10 feet away and when she was let know that she could just take him with her right outside for photos, she told the planner she was too afraid to talk to him. Well, what makes you think the planner wants to talk to him then? Industry secret: many people don't listen to the planner, so if you ask the planner to grab your cousin for photos, odds are they will not move from where they are nearly as quickly as if you did it yourself. Besides, you can say whatever you want to them, whereas the planner cannot.
The roles of Maid of Honor and Best Man have evolved over the years and they vary from wedding to wedding. However, no Maid of Honor is going to be counting chairs to make sure the tables are correct, so it doesn't make sense for the planner to step in and handle the MOH's responsibilities either. The bride wants a glass of champagne? That isn't your cue to run to find the planner to get it. Too many MOH's and BM's forget their roles when a planner is involved and become very entitled. Think back to the Bachelor and Bachelorette Party and what your duties were then. They are the same on the wedding day, and then some. ITM Events made a good point and said, "A wedding planner is to help you keep all the moving parts of your wedding moving in the right direction...if we are leaving the site to go get ice, we are not focused on you and your day." Incidentally, some planners offer a "runner" that you can book with your planning package to basically do all of the things you should be able to count on your MOH or BM for.
Planners are not going to take over for a bad DJ. If you hired your cousin for free to take your pictures and he got drunk instead then you get what you pay for! It isn’t the job of a planner to step in and take over for DJs, caterers, bartenders, photographers, etc.
Please do not feel inclined to 'blame the planner' for a decision that you moved forward with, against their guidance and it backfired. Please don't blame shift. Their reputation is on the line.
No one can control a sister that was late getting her make up done because she didn't want to get up that early, and thus, threw everything (and everyone) behind. Planners cannot control when your party wants to continue doing shots at the bar instead of coming together for the group photo you had planned. Planners cannot control your guests to not leave before the cake cutting or stay for that extra hour that you added to your reception and paid for. When selecting your wedding party and even when deciding whom to invite, make sure you pick the right people. There are some beloved family and friends of yours that just may not be wedding party material. Choose wisely!
With more and more weddings taking place in blank spaces where the basics like tables and chairs are needed, planners are coordinating with rental companies to bring in everything that is needed. Included in that coordination is the hiring of staff members to set up, move, and break down everything. A planner does not store the bar you wanted in their garage, or put together tables or anything like that. If you are having a wedding where two sets of chairs are needed, it's less expensive to bring in a second set than to hire a staff to move everything.
A planner should never be put in a place where “someone needs to tell the Groom I hate the ring!” It isn’t a planners job to ensure the people getting married still want to get married or help them resolve their differences.
Couples will have small spats and need to take various steps and talk to each to work through it but not with your planner.
Planners are on the side of the couple as a whole.
Planner Victoria Nee-Lartey said, "I was asked by a potential client if I would stand at the door of the reception space with the guest list and prevent any uninvited family members from entering."
Listen, we get that prospective clients ask these questions because they seriously do not know the answer, but really? Here's the deal, planners can hire anyone and anything that you want. Security is not hard to find, and if it's truly an issue at your wedding, ask your planner if they have a company they work with and recommend.
There is a very bad trend right now and it really needs to stop! Your wedding will never ever be perfect! It is called Toxic Perfectionism. This is where the bride or the bride and groom expect everything to be absolutely perfect to the point of anxiety and depression and blaming everyone from the planner to the dog that wandered onto the property.
You are planning a “Special Day” not a “Perfect Day” and they are very different. No planner can guarantee that Uncle Jim won’t get blind drunk (because he snuck in something).
Planners are there to make sure everything that was planned goes as smoothly as possible but life is life and things (not all good) will happen.
You don’t get to complain if you expected $10,000 worth of flowers but only purchased $500 worth of flowers. Many planners right now have let us know how much they love and hate Pinterest exactly for this reason. A bride will see an amazing wedding of flowers, silks, special made dance floors, candelabras, and place settings of gold and think “I want that!” Realistically, that wedding was $150,000 to $200,000.
Wedding planners want you to be happy and want everything to go as wonderfully and smoothly as possible. It’s important to understand therefore what everyone’s responsibilities are in regard to how this wedding will work. (i.e. MOH, BM responsibilities)
You may be the bride or the groom looking for a planner, a member of a wedding party, or just a well-meaning friend, this will hopefully give you insight as to what a wedding planner does and does not do.
Go over with the planner what they are going to do for your specifically and honestly then move forward realizing what responsibilities you may have to assign out to family or friends or do yourself.
